Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I don't really know what to feel.

Warning - It's long.

So today was a day of highs and lows. I really never blog about anything too deep. But its been a roller coaster the past few days. Well our anniversary weekend was a blast, so fun and relaxing. And yesterday (our actual anniversary) was just a nice night at home together. We laid in bed and talked about how excited we were for our upcoming appointment today. Talked about baby names and our plans for the weekend.
We heard from my Dad earlier that night that my Grandpa (who has been on home care hospice for 3 months) had taken a turn for the worse and was put on morphine and oxygen (he has end stage Alzheimer's) and that this was probably the end.
Well this morning, I got up - had my first extremely queasy morning, and was so happy about that - I really was, bring on the m/s! - and I went to work, had a meeting for 2 and 1/2 hours, saw a patient and came home for lunch. The light on our answering machine was blinking and I knew something was up. It was my Mom, telling me to call her back ASAP. I did, and she told me that Grandpa passed away at 10:49am. We knew it was coming, but it didn't help, I am still so sad. My Grandpa was such a funny guy and loved his family. He was always joking around with us and teasing us. We spent every Thanksgiving and Christmas there and I will miss him so much.

My Family with Grandma and Grandpa - 2004

Well I didn't have much time to let it all really sink in, because I had my first appointment with my OB today. What a great appointment - My Hemoglobin A1C is at a 5.8% (Like the level of a non-diabetic!) and she was trilled, she said that my high- risk was greatly reduced with such great numbers. We talked about everything and anything for about 40 minutes and she gave me a goody bag with a pregnancy calendar, a book on pregnancy and labor, and coupons for formula, babies-r-us, tons of pre-natal samples (even though I have been taking mine for over 2 months now), magazines, and a week by week pregnancy planner. Then the ultimate thing every new mommy to be wants to hear - We are going to do an U/S today to make sure everything is where it is supposed to be and that you are measuring right!!!! Yay! She said everything looks perfect so far and that my little bun is in the right place and measuring exactly where it needs to be! (Its more like a little sac right now, but EXCITING nonetheless.)

Is it a mini-pingers or mini-dingers? We'll just call you bun, for now :)

So today has been an emotional roller coaster of feelings, my appointment made me forget how sad I was for a bit as we focused on bun. But now I am home after voting, and just sad. Its hard hearing my Dad choke up on the phone. I just am at a loss with all of these feelings - sad, happy, hopeful....
All I know is that now our little bun has a gaurdian Angel watching over them.


Shannon said...

Im so sorry about the passing of your grandpa (((Hugs)))

Janine said...

I can definetly understand you having mixed emotions. You lost your grandpa and got to see that cute little bean all in one day. I am so sorry to hear about your grandpa. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

L said...

I am so sorry for your loss.