Fetal Echo and a neurotic neurologist....

I went for our fetal Echo Cardiogram today and it was wonderful! I got to look at Brody - well mostly his heart - for over an hour and everything looks perfect! He was so active flipping all over the place and whenever they tried to take measurements of his heart he would put his arm over it! haha. After all the heart stuff the doc asked if I would like to see him - well of course! His face is so much more developed than even 3 weeks ago and his head looks huge (YIKES!) She then asked me if I knew what the sex was and I told her yes and as she was asking me he positioned himself to show off his boy parts again (I hope this is not a precursor to his future :P ) I was so happy when she told me that his heart looked perfect that I cried a little. It is such a great feeling.
My Neruo-opthamology appointment was a WASTE OF TIME! I was there from 7:30 - 9:00 and she did the same tests as the other opthamologist and neurologist, she just did them in the same visit. Plus I had to pay the "specialty" co-pay, which is $15 more than a normal visit. Blah. The best was when she asked me these questions:
Dr: Why did you have cataract surgery?
Me: Because I had cataracts.
Dr: No, you are too young for cataracts (ummmm, like I was mistaken about the 2 month long process that I went through so I could see again)
Me: Actually, you can get them at any age, I got mine from a side effect of the steroids I was on for pneumonia 3 years ago.
Dr: Oh, yes, that can happen.

and this one:
Dr: Is your diabetes well controlled?
Me: Yes, perfectly, my last A1C was 5.0 % (the same as a non-diabetic)
Dr: Well then why would the put you on an insulin pump?
Me: Because I asked them too.

UNBELIEVABLE!!!

She did not tell me much more than I already know:
- I have swelling on my optic nerve
- I may or may not have been born this way
- the only way to know if it is real swelling, is with a spinal tap
- I cannot have a spinal until after delivery

The good news:
- I can most likley have a normal and safe delivery without fear of complications. Woo Hoo!

Really - was I just complaing about my pump?

So this weekend I was at the car wash and had just leaned over to get my receipt with the car wash code on it- and my pump fell out of my shirt and down to the floor, which pulls on my infusion site. Not totally painful, but it does not feel great either. Well as I was cursing my pump and being irritated that "I hate having to be hooked up to this thing 24/7!" a car pulls up to the air station right across from me. A younger guy - probably about my age, maybe a little younger - gets out, well he does not get out first, he gets his wheelchair out first. Gets in and proceeds to fill up his tires while in the wheelchair. Such a simple task for anyone walking but for him, not so much, his chair would run over the air hose and he would have to back up and get back into position, then the hose would reel back to the tank on its own and he would have to start all over. I felt so bad at that moment for being mad that I had an insulin pump. I mean really, I don't have too much to complain about. This just put that in perspective.
Its weird, because me, working in Physical Therapy, have seen tons of patients with spinal cord injuries, have trained them how to get into and out of a car with their chair, how to get up and down a curb. But I have never really witnessed someone doing a task like that in real life.
I took a second and just sat in my car and thanked God for what I have and stopped feeling sorry for myself.
Life, in general, is good.

Oh what a night....

**Warning, its long**
... what a week actually. Well I will start with last night. I had taken a bath and was getting ready to change my pump infusion site (where the insulin tubing goes inside of me to feed my body constant insulin) I have done this tons of time, never with a problem before. So I re-loaded the cartridge, and set the site. About a half hour later, my pump beeps and says "No Insulin Delivery noted, pump not primed for delivery" Um, OK. That's never happened before, after I already primed it. So I re-primed [Sorry this is so technical, but basically when re-setting an infusion site, there are 4 steps - Rewind the pump, load the insulin cartridge ( which holds 3-4 days worth of insulin), prime the pump, and fill the cannula ( the tube the insulin flows through)]and re-filled the cannula. Well it kept saying over and over "Pump not primed, no insulin delivery...." So I took the cartridge back out, rewound the pump again and loaded the cartridge back in and pressed "load" I had 181 units of insulin in the pump at this time. At the end of loading it went down to 143. So somewhere along the way I lost about 40 units of insulin - almost a days worth- Here is the bad part - guess where a days worth of insulin went? TO ME! A whole days worth of insulin within 30 seconds had been pumped into my body, because I never disconnected the pump from me when I was re-setting it. I cant believe I did that, what a stupid mistake. It just never crossed my mind. The scary part is that if you get too much insulin you could go into shock and possibly an insulin induced coma. I checked my blood sugar - 33. Yikes, I quick ate a Swiss cake roll and had a glass of soda - real soda - thank God we had some in our house from Thanksgiving - and my sugar went to 35. It should have gone to well over 80. So I tell my husband who is freaking out by now, and we search the house for my emergency Glugogon shot (basically a highly concentrated injection of sugar that my husband knows how to give me in an emergency, in case I pass out) We can't find it. Its 845pm. I call the pharmacy, crying, because now I am scared. I had drank a another soda and my sugar was still only 38. They say: sorry, but you have no re-fills on this prescription. I tell them it is an emergency and they call my doctors office (answering service I am assuming) and got an emergency refill. We got to Walgreen's, and picked up the shot (me walking around with a 2 liter of coke) and went home. By now my sugars had started to rise a little,to 67- it had been about an hour since the 40 unit injection, and I was feeling a little better. So I laid down, exhausted, and fell asleep - with Corey keeping a close watch on me - for 15 minutes. I woke up sweating and tested my blood sugar again. 26! So I drank more soda, had some crackers, and just felt like crap. I had to get up every 15-30 minutes to check my sugar and drink some soda from 930pm to 430am. Finally at 430 my sugar level was at 91 and I hadn't had any soda in 2 hours, so that was a good sign. I woke up at 730 tested again and it was 149. Yay! What a scary night. I am so glad we didn't have to use the glucogon shot, and that I was able to make it through the night with out passing out. I feel like garbage today, I never EVER drink regular soda, and I think that is partly why i feel awful. I drank over 2 liters of soda. Yuck! I went though 24 test strips in 12 hours ( usually I use 6-8 per day) and I wasted an entire days worth of insulin and that stuff is not cheap!

So anyways other than that, my next two weeks will be filled with multiple tests and procedures. Including an MRI and a Spinal Tap. :(
I had an eye doctor appointment on Tuesday, and since I am diabetic, I see a specialist who looks into my retina, and determines if any changes have taken place. Well they found some swelling of the optic nerves on both eyes, which could mean a variety of things ranging from pregnancy complication ( although, they are almost 100% sure that is not the case) to fluid on the brain to brain tumor. AHHHH! It has been an emotional week and thank God we got to see Bun on Wed. and all was well. But I am still really scared and really want answers. SO next week I have an MRI and the week after New Years I have a spinal tap. Ugh.
I have cried a lot over this the past few days, and the pregnacny hormones aren't helping any, I am sure. Haha. But we are keeping our heads up and hoping for the best.

So that's my crazy story for the week, lets hope I have no more like this to write ....

F - You diabetes.

That right, fuck you diabetes. Why do you have to make everything about life so hard? Why can't I just be pregnant and enjoy it? Why, because I have to prick my fingers at least 10 times a day - at minimum- to make sure my blood sugars are in check. My fingers are bruised, calloused, and sore. And let me tell you I am not doing a great job. Sure my pre-pregnancy #'s were great "the best I have ever seen" said my OB/GYN, but no...not now, not when it realllllllllllly matters. I am in week 6 going on 7 tomorrow. The babys heart and spine are forming - two huge organs and it has to be this week that my sugars are out of wack. I get a reading our 350 out of no where ( Just in case you are not familiar with diabetes 80-120 is normal for diabetics, my docs want me at 60-100 during my pregnancy) I hadnt even eaten anything - and bam. 350. It went back down to normal within an hour. But very scary. I called my OB and she said keep an eye on it and the numbers remain normal, then its not a big deal. Well they have been pretty normal for the past 3 days .... until today. I was sitting here and I could feel my sugar level dropping. So I quick grabbed a snack, ate it, waited 15 minutes and tested again - this times its lower than before. 32 to be exact. ( most people pass out between 20-30 - not me, I have been as low as 24 and not passed out - I just get to feel like total garbage, for the next couple of hours) WTF- so I ate some candy corn. Tested again. 33 - OK it should have jumped to at least 45. SO now, even though it gives me major heartburn, I just ate an entire king size reeses fast break. a) I am not hungry b) I am going to gain like 5 #'s from eating this c) it was DH's that he was saving for tonight after dinner. :(

I can tell that I am still a bit low, but going up. I just don't know what to do, and my doctors just keep telling me, just keep an eye on it..... Great, tell the pregnant lady, that there is nothing to do.

Poor Bun - I hope you are safe and these ups and downs are not affecting you like they do me.

A test is not just a test, anymore.

Even more frustrating than a BFN - A 263 blood sugar reading. Ahhhh! I haven't had one of those in months. I have worked so hard to keep my numbers in normal range (70-110 for me) and then this happens today. Frustrating because if for some reason I was pg right now that could potentially really harm the baby. Being a diabetic and TTC is scary business. I try to act like everything will just be normal for me during this time, but the truth is: I am really scared. What if something goes wrong. Will it be my fault? Will my diabetes be to blame?

I have met with my specialist very regularly and he assures me, that while I have to be more careful than most, I can have a normal and healthy pregnancy( just add in a few hundred extra doctor appts ;)

When I get a # like that on my meter, though, wow, its shocking. I didn't even eat anything bad. Well luckily with my pump I will be back to normal in no time. But still frustrated.

On a lighter note, Corey is back home and we had a great weekend. A friends wedding on Friday night, where we met some really great people. Sat. was just a nice lazy weekend day full of movies and lasagna :) We watched Sleepless in Seattle, Erin Brokovich, Pretty Woman, The Wedding Date, and Smart People.... and had a totally unproductive day!! (it was so worth it)

Today is laundry, house cleaning, and paperwork day, fun :( Hope my numbers go down soon!

<------ That's my pump, it holds insulin that I get 24/7. That is what is going to keep me and our baby (when it happens) healthy and happy!